Anne Alias has giveded me a Kreativ Blogger Award, for which I thanks her. I am also thankful that the spellchecker hasn't underlined "giveded". It's being a notfake word! Speaking of that, have you heard that song by the Smiths about Santa Claus playing hockey? It goes something like:
Hockey ho ho ho hockey
Hockey is a game that we've played and won before
Hockey ho ho ho hockey
Hockey is a game that we've played and won before
I love that song. It's catchy. And I'm not surprised that Santa Claus fields a hockey team, considering he's used to cold weather. Well, I'd be surprised if he fielded a hockey team, because it's not field hockey, it's ice hockey. So he iced a team.
No, wait, that sounds like he murdered them. That would put him on the naughty list, wouldn't it? Except… Does he even go on a list? I mean, whether he's naughty or nice, I'm sure he'd deliver a present to himself. Why not? I think it's one of the perks. He'd just go down and order something specially made from the elves. I've always thought it odd that they'd agree to live in cold weather and make toys all the time. Especially during that big war with the orcs. I mean, what are they going to do – beat the orcs to death with wooden trains? And then how could anyone conscionably give that toy to a child, even if they cleaned it off? Besides, that might have been awesome for a few hundred years, but kids today would look at a wooden train and then scream that you didn't love them. That's the exact opposite of holiday spirit!
Hey – do you think Santa Claus used one of those? The headline would read:
Santa 'Sleighs' Hockey Team With Toy Train
I don't know who would deliver the toys if Santa went to prison, but I'm pretty sure FedEx or UPS could do a fine job. And what an awesome marketing tactic! "If FedEx can deliver toys to all the children of the world in one night, they should be able to handle getting that package to Duluth, Mr. Shotinthepenis!" Odd that someone would keep that name 'Shotinthepenis' though, isn't it? You think they would have changed it. I don't know who came up with that name in the first place, much less actually used it. All I know is Bon Jovi said that you're to blame.
Now where was I? Oh, right, I was in the hallway. So I'll go back there and see if I can remember what my point was. Do you ever have to do that? Because I've never seen you in my hallway here at work. No, seriously, do you have to go and stand in the place where you thought of something – in my case, stand in the place where you work – in order to REMember it again? I might have, but I can't remember where I was standing.
Speaking of Adele, have you heard her song about a screw-up in the defensive end? I think it goes something like:
You could have had a goal
Roaming in deep
The goalie had the puck in his hand
But he played it he played it he played it
He played it to the D.
And that Alice In Chains song about getting a minor? It goes:
I'm the man in the box
Speared him with my stick
Don't you score, power play team
Play team
And the Styx song about the brawlers on the fourth line? And why do you think they named the band 'Styx' anyway? Hockey Styx!
I've got two tough guys on my bench
Sitting and waiting for an enemy
I've got two tough guys on my bench
It's their job to skate and get a penalty
I've got two tough guys on my bench
And they're slipping in late
Taking out that left wing
It's amazing how many bands from all over the place love hockey, isn't it? I won't get into the lyrics, but I know you've heard that Wrecks N Effect song Check Yourself Before You Wreck Your Team's Chances of Making the Playoffs. What, you don't believe me? If you think I'm making this up, you can stick it up your five hole.
Oh, right, the Kreativ Blogger award. Um… Thanks!
Edward Hotspur
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